I have focused most of my writing in the past few days/week on sitting with a pad and pen instead of using my high tech writing utensil, the computer. I've been putting myself in the frame of my protagonist and playing with her thoughts & feelings to see if I can come up with an ending. While ideas have come to me about other parts of the book, the actual ending still eludes me, but it's waving at me from the periphery trying to make its way into my heart/mind and onto the paper. I AM ALMOST THERE!!!!

By the way, I love greeting cards. I have stores of them in my closet. I buy them and then put them in pretty storage boxes for future use. Sometimes, often in fact, I find cards I love so much that I don't want to give them away. Maybe this one is inspiring to me or that one has a magical water color on it or another one espouses the most wondrous phrase. The one I have currently to the left of my computer says:

"She learned to cup possibility in her hands."

That's what I'm doing with my writing. I'm learning to cup possibility in my hands. Too often we allow negative thoughts to run rampant through our gray matter without even realizing it, so it's helpful to have things to look at or little affirmations around that challenge these stalwart thought streams. I have these little round stickers too that I occasionally run across and bring out, sticking them everywhere I might see them. The stickers say:

"Something wonderful is about to happen."

They remind me to look at what might be upcoming as a delightful surprise, in the way that a child looks forward to opening a birthday present wrapped in colorful paper, rather than with trepidation.

So, my goal is to come up with the ending to my book by Sunday evening. I challenge you to work on , explore, play with your own writing, painting, music...or whatever your art consists of and move with it. XO

It's been a couple of tough weeks for me, so I haven't been on the blog, as you may have noticed :) I completely forgot I was even doing it for a while. But, I'm back. As far as writing, it's been a little sketchy. I never heard back from Reins magazine, so I think I'll try again and see what happens. I continue to read On Writing and Chicken Soup for the Writer's Soul, which always inspire me.

There is a writing exercise my daughter Kayla and I like to do on occasion. We both use our iPods, putting them on shuffle and take turns bringing up a song. The challenge is to write for the duration of the song using some kind of info or inspiration from it as a theme. You have do your writing about a particular story, or in my case book, you are writing. These little pieces of writing are called drabbles. Kayla's writing had to do with a fan fiction story she is writing and my writing was about The Attic - big surprise. By the time the chosen (or I should say shuffled) song is over you are supposed to have finished your drabble. Well...that never happens, so we just continue to write after the song is over. We do this ten times and then we share what we've written. Sometimes it's fun & sometimes it's stressful for me. This time is was really stressful - not sure what was going on with me, but I stopped before the last song. The sharing part is lots of fun and we enjoyed reading our drabbles to each other. So...if you're a writer...give it a try. It actually has helped me to develop some of my characters or find some new quality or insight about them.

Also, one day, Kayla and I were looking through some poetry books and we took turns reading poems to each other that we thought were interesting or funny. That was fun and inspiring also.

Today, I'm actually writing my book, which I am excited about. I am so close to being done with this draft and to getting the actual ending completed. I was hoping to finish today, but I don't think it will happen.

Thought for the day:

"The fear of rejection is worse than rejection itself" (Nora Profit)

The above I know. But this issue is one that I continually face. Finishing my book, The Attic, is a given for me. It was a gift from Spirit and the vision or dream that came to me in the middle of the night with the title and idea for my book was so unexpected, so wondrous that there is no way I will not finish it, but sometimes I have trouble writing for a long period at a time or I become tired when I'm writing or I just can't seem to get to it as often as I'd like. My knowing is that this happens because of the "F" word, a much more powerful word than the one you're thinking (naughty :). The word is FEAR - in caps because it is so powerful and can be so debilitating. These thoughts of not being good enough, about being rejected, about the 'fact' that no one will want to read my book and by the way, who do I think I am?? All those thoughts are roiling beneath my radar making it difficult for me to believe in myself and my book. Also, because I am an avid reader and have been reading a lot of young adult fiction, which is what I am writing, it is easy to fall into the trap of comparing myself to other writers...argh! Don't do it!

Writers and artists of all types are plagued by these kinds of fears. The Fear keeps so many of us from doing what we love or if doesn't keep us from doing it, it probably keeps us from sharing it. You have a gift you can offer the world...one that will benefit others. You don't have to publish, but if you want to and you aren't doing so, then join hands with me and let's work on our stuff and move forward together. Share your creations with the planet -- we can use more beauty out here. XO

This weekend's writing escapades have been mostly around finding places to send short stories and/or poetry. I checked out the "2010 Writer's Market" online. The reviews about this year's edition seem to be less than stellar. So, I'm not sure whether to get the 2009 edition or try something completely different. In doing research I came up with a few possibilities, but nothing great as yet.

I did re-find my copy of Rein's Magazine. I originally found it at work and wondered if they accept short stories. I looked through the whole magazine, which is beautiful visually, but I'm still nto sure if they will allow me to submit fiction. It's a fairly new and local magazine, so I e-mailed the regional manager to see if he is interested and gave a sentence or two about a story that I have about horses. I was compelled to write this story many years ago when I was home from college and worked at a racetrack for most of one summer, until I realized that horses were being mistreated. Then I quit and wrote a fictionalized story about it. That's the story I entered in Redbook's young authors contest. If Reins is interested then I'll send it and see how it goes.

I looked on a couple of websites to find some places to submit my work, but nothing much came of my search as yet. I did find a website called Stickman Review where I found a story called "Winners" that I really liked. There was quite a bit of poetry as well.

I looked through my old copy of The Childrens Writer's & Illustrators Market and found some possible places to publish. I'll have to check out their website for updated info because the edition I have is from 2005. That's it for now. XO

It's Friday night and I haven't done any writing this week. I did come up with some new story ideas--not for The Attic but for other possible books or short stories. I'm still reading several books about the craft of writing and enjoying those immensely. Also, my daughter pretty much twisted my arm to get me to read Wicked, which I am now doing. What I would REALLY like to do is to be able to take her to see Wicked on stage...she would soooooo love that!! But, I don't have the bucks for that right now. She loves the music from the show and just finished reading the book. It's a thick one--something you can really sink your teeth into (perhaps literally if you're Elphaba).

Okay, I plan on writing more this weekend. I shall return. XO

Since I began the "artist's week" with my friend, Jasmine, I have become more interested, not only in writing my book, but in other forms of writing as well. And I am now fired up about writing poetry, short stories, etc. This is happening in a more fevered way right now because I have been reading stories from Chicken Soup for The Writer's Soul. Many of these stories are magical; some help you see that virtually all writers start in the basement, working up the ladder to the attic (no pun intended); some show the miraculous ways a writer finds her/his path or publishes that first story or book or makes the right connection at the right time. The stories can be funny, informative, poignant, surprising and always, always motivating to the writing warrior within. Each one, in it's own major or subtle way, has lifted me.

I have had this book, Chicken Soup for the Writer's Soul, for a very long time and have picked at it, but mostly left it on the shelf and from what it looks like, soaked half of it in coffee (or something because, really, I don't drink coffee - never have). I am also reading another book on writing called Thunder & Lightening by Natalie Goldberg. The only thing is that she starts out saying how sad a writer's life is...that writer's aren't happy people. That was a bit of a downer. She didn't know how she could teach students about writing because of this. Then she showed, through an incident she experienced, that when she was depressed and couldn't get through it, how writing was the only thing that allowed her to dislodge herself from the muck and move forward.

Thinking about books on writing, I want to say that I was blessed to have my mother-in-law, at the time, send me three books on writing, all of which I loved and recommend highly to other writers. These are not ABC books on writing, but stories by writers about themselves and their writing and are fun and moving to read. The titles are as follows:

1. On Writing (A Memoir of the Craft) by Stephen King

2. Bird by Bird (Some Instructions on Writing and Life) by Anne Lamott

3. Writing Down the Bones (Freeing the Writer Within) by Natalie Goldberg

I highly suggest you read these if you haven't already. I have them in front of me and am going to re-read them. They are awesome!!

Okay, so my plan is to purchase a current Copy of The Writer's Market and the Children's Writer's & Illustrator's Market and work on some short stories, poetry and perhaps articles for publication. So wish me luck.

One other resource that was recommended to me and my daughter by Laurie Halse Anderson, a wonderful author we had the chance to see in person, is The Society of Children's Book Writers & Illustrators (SCBWI). This is obviously a resource for those interested in writing and/or illustrating Children's books, including picture books, middle readers & young adult/teen books. I haven't used it much yet, but Anderson said that if your are writing for children then join SCBWI. She said this organization really helped her writing career. Their website is: http://www.scbwi.org/.

Okay, I'll be back. XO

My recent writing time has been spent creating the poem and the "piece" below concerning Haiti and the message it offers to all of us.


The Plight of Haiti, The Plight of the World


We are not privy to Spirit’s plan. (Spirit = God, Goddess, Creator, Allah, The Great Spirit, etc). We would so love to know that plan, but perhaps the danger is that if we were privy to it then somehow, in the knowing, the plan would be tainted. The knowing would change our decisions, our direction...the natural course of things. We have theories and ideas, but we really don’t know the plan because we weren’t meant to. Sometimes we have intuitions, moments of clarity...of knowing. When we listen to these jewels our lives play out smoothly; when we don’t, we stumble. This is as close as we normally get to knowing the plan.

So, why was Haiti, a nation already struggling, hit so hard? No one knows...see above. But, one thing I’ve learned in my life is that in disaster there lies a gift. Sometimes we see and understand that gift; other times we do not. On a much smaller level than what took place in Haiti, let’s say in this time of economic stress and strain, you lose your job...disaster! But then later because of this crisis you end up in a new job...one that is better, one that you love...one that you would not have taken the risk, on your own, to discover because you were too afraid to let go of the current job. Maybe you simply felt that nothing better could ever happen for you...that you were stuck. Thus, through this crisis, Spirit “forced” you to improve your life. No longer do you wake up every morning, a loathsome feeling in your belly knowing that you have to force yourself to get up, trudge to the car and face your day. That’s one example, there are many.

True, it is much more difficult to find a gift in what happened in Haiti. When a disaster of this magnitude takes place, we question our faith in Spirit. How could Spirit let this happen?? How can such a terrible thing happen to a country struggling and impoverished? It isn’t fair! We don’t know...we’ll never know. So, Instead of blaming Spirit, perhaps we just move forward, do what we can and somehow, find the gift in this horror. The whys don’t help change the situation. But, WE can.

Maybe Haiti has made a sacrifice to the world, to the universe. Not consciously, but, perhaps as part of the collective unconscious. You see, crisis seems to bring out the best in us as people. It reaches into our hearts and souls and allows us to achieve a level of compassion, camaraderie and unity far beyond that of our daily lives. It takes down the walls of isolation we have created in ourselves. It loosens our purse strings and lets the Scrooge in us fall away, allowing greed to take a hike and generosity to flourish.

Perhaps right now in this time we need to join hands...come together. We are offered so many chances to do this (9-11, Katrina), but when the crisis wanes, we pull back, re-isolate ourselves, become separate once more. Perhaps the only way for this world to truly flourish is to allow one of these disasters and it’s overwhelming message about the need for love, sharing and compassion to keep us together, to keep us caring, to keep us sharing our wealth and our kindness always...not for a few hours, a few days or a few months, but every day for the rest of our lives.

I think about what has happened to the Haitians & I unwittingly feel the pain, the sorrow, the fear. What if that happened to me? What if I was lying underneath the rubble, barely able to breathe, frightened that no one would come for me? Or, worse yet, what if it was my child under there--then what? What if the buildings in my city crumbled to the ground or I lost my family? What if I lived in poverty like the Haitians? What if...???

I struggle every day because my income isn’t enough to cover my expenses. I cry sometimes because of my health or my personal crises. But, I am living the luxurious life compared to so many around the globe. And it’s not that we should minimize our struggles, but perhaps see them with new eyes, a fresh perspective. Catastrophes of this proportion allow us to do this, to see things differently, to change, and to accept our circumstances, to open our hearts and reach out to others. And not only does it make others, such as the Haitians, feel better, safer, less fearful, more hopeful, but it makes us feel better too. People who volunteer live longer, happier lives.

Some of us go into denial when these major calamities occur, afraid to look, afraid our hearts will break, afraid we are powerless. Denial is a safe house, but a false one because the only thing that it brings is lack of awareness which means that when things fall apart around us we are utterly unprepared. So, perhaps it’s time to get our heads out of the sand and do what we can.

We truly need to understand that we are all connected. We hear this, we say this. Easy to say, not so easy to perceive, to integrate, to understand at a deep level. It is during disasters such as what happened in Haiti where this becomes palpable. When a crisis hits one of us, it affects us all. We all live on this planet. We share it. We constantly create borders around us to delineate our countries, our cities, our towns, our homes. This is mine...that is yours. But, we forget that we share the land, the air, our personal space. What one person does to the air in Los Angeles affects the air in San Diego – borders or no borders. If someone hurts or kills a loved one, it affects not just that person, but their family, friends and anyone who hears about it because it brings doubt to our sense of security, our well being. At some level, it affects us all. When we are negative or we gossip about others, it fills the space with unsavory energy and affects the person being gossiped about as well as others who are pulled into the web of negativity. We share whether we like it or not. I think it’s about time for us to like it. To like each other, to love each other, to consider each other and to help each other or we will perish.

One of our biggest survival needs is touch...yes, it is a survival need. There have been studies done on babies who are touched and those who are not that reveal the negative affects on the babies untouched. There is research about the need for touch in adults as well. It’s time for us to touch one another, not only with our hands, but with our hearts.

I could barely stomach the scenes or listen to the stories as I watched the “Hope for Haiti Now” telethon last night. I am very sensitive anyway, but watching that and seeing the reality of it hurt me inside, made me weep with grief, made me feel helpless. But, we are not helpless. I could not give much, but between my daughter and I we gave $20 – a small contribution, but that is all we can do for now and that is okay. What can you do? Give anything--$5 is enough. There is so much more than $5 that goes with the donation. There is an energy about the giving: an affirmative, nurturing, miraculous message of love that goes with it, that is just as powerful, more so, than the money you send. This energy changes people, situations...the air we breathe, the molecules and atoms in our bodies with its unseen, pervasive flow. Everything is energy. Each and every one of us shares the energy that is in us and around us. Yes, we are all connected...we are one and so this old and true wisdom will never rust: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

If you cannot give dollars (and even if you can), then give through prayer or meditation--do it alone or in groups. When people gather in groups for a singular purpose the energy created for that purpose is powerful and transformative. Visualize a healthy, restored, abundant Haiti. Envisioning also carries with it a potent energy for change.

Let us not dishonor the message that Haiti’s crisis is sending us. Take my hand and the hand of your neighbor and let us touch each other realizing that this one touch is felt by the whole world.


Haitian Child

A young child
struggles
under the rubble,
alone & lonely,
crying out for
help,
reaching up
toward the light
but harbored in
darkness,
broken bones,
broken heart,
breathing in the
chalky dust
of the crumbled
building
fallen above her,
around her,
thoughts lost
in the dull
throb of pain,
the odd
sense of
consciousness,
in and
out
here and
gone,
when cognizant,
praying for
discovery.
Mommy, is
that you?
But, no
a figment,
a voice within
a yearning,
a hope.
Then she
awakens.
someone is
pulling,
voices are real,
after hours
she is out,
squinting
against the
light
she is one of
the lucky ones,
carried to
a tent.
she waits...
and waits
thirsty,
hurting.
she hears
the buzz
around her,
stores of
water, food,
medications
are meager.
Now that she
is here
will there
be enough
for her?


Linda J. Wolf
1/23/10

Good Morning! My daughter has a book I bought for her called "Girlosophy - A Soul Survival Kit." She hasn't taken the time to look through it, but on occasion I have and it has wonderful bits of information for heart, soul & spirit. I said to myself as I flipped through the book "what do I need to know right now?" I stopped flipping when it felt right and here is what it said:

"Clean up your act. Edit your life. Keep what is useful, important, beautiful. Get rid of the rest."

Wow - that is a good one. We carry around so much waste, so to speak. Today I am keeping this bit of wisdom in front of me, so I can see it throughout the day and act on it. Maybe you can try this too. Consider it a challenge! :)

As far as writing, I created a poem and a "piece" concerning Haiti. I will share it later, after I am finished writing and editing it. Cya then. XO

I titled this blog "I Am A Writer." Maybe I should have titled it...oh, I don't know...mother, worker bee, procrastinator...something of that nature. Because I just don't seem to be getting to the writing. In the past 5 or 6 days I have put precious little time into my writing. I did take time to come up with more ideas for my book. I also wrote a poem, which I can't share because it is for a special cause and I am required not to share it, at least not right now - long story! I also spent time researching some quotes I may or may not ever use in my writings. I was inspired to do so because I was watching the Golden Globe awards recently and the host quoted Sir Arther Conan Doyle (author of the Sherlock Holmes novels). He said,

"Art in the blood is liable to take the strangest forms."

This quote was of interest to me because that's what this blog is all about...getting down with your art :) And there are myriad forms art can take, each individual spinning it the way it comes through her/him...a story, a painting, a song.

So, I hopped on the search engine of my choice and looked up other quotes from Sherlock Holmes books. I found myself reveling in the writing of Doyle as I read these various quotes and copied them onto a document for future reference. Now I want to go pick up some of his books and read or re-read them. And it's a funny thing...maybe you've experienced this...I don't really know if I read his books or not. His name is so familiar as well as his characters, Holmes & Watson, that I feel as if I've read them, but can't remember if I did. Or perhaps I saw movie renditions of his books. I'm not even sure. Regardless, I loved the writing and now have a hunger to read them...in all my spare time - ha!

I must say, however, that I am ALWAYS reading a book. I am a voracious reader, as is my daughter, and I usually take a book with me wherever I go. I try to take at least a little time before I go to bed at night to read. It's a little time for myself and my fictional peeps :)

The whole Sherlock Holmes thing coming up when it did was interesting in its timing because I had just seen the new Sherlock Holmes movie a day or two before I heard the quote on the Golden Globes. I LOVED the movie by the way. It was an awesome visual experience for me and I loved the banter between Sherlock and Watson and they did a great job in their on screen roles...see it if you haven't!!

Bed time for me...night, night :0 *yawn* stretch...out like a light.

It's been 4 days since I've blogged. Writing has been a bit on the back burner. My daughter had a huge project to finish and has needed the computer and last night we were up until midnight (a time these eyes rarely see anymore) working on a collage she had to finish. At least it was something fun...the science projects go to her Dad...the artsy things to me...I'm good with that.

But, last night I worked on my book a little without the computer. I was doing this during the commericals while American Idol was on...yeah I'm hooked on that one, though I don't watch much tv. My daughter got me started on it and we've been watching it together for a few years now. No, I don't usually write or bounce ideas around my brain about my book while, I'm watching tv. It's not where I generally derive inspiration :) As a matter of act all the shows that I watch (2 or 3) are ones that my daughter got me hooked on...bad influence :)

But, I came up with some good ideas as I bantered with myself about various ways I could go here or there with a character or end the book. I have a notebook I started side by side with my book. I have made notes in it every since I began The Attic. It's full of ideas, research, notes on what I need to follow up on, etc. I find this a very handy tool to have next to me as I write. Then I can keep track of...everything I might want to remember pertaining to the book. More later XO

I started out my Sunday writing my book - sweet! I got right up, splashed some cool water on my face and began to type. I figured that would be the best time to get some writing done. It's also my best time as far as energy level and clear mind ;)

So far today I've written 2+ more book pages. I call them book pages because, of course, in the computer I'm typing on 8 ½ x 11 sheets of "paper," which translates into 2 book pages. I enjoyed writing the last sequence. It just sort of channeled through as I was writing, as so often happens when I'm at the keyboard. A lot of my writing doesn't come from thinking about the book, but about writing and the material kind of flowing out as I go. Then sometimes I get stuck and it's challenging to allow for the fluidity. But, I know it will come back.

Last night I had a round table (okay, rectangular table) discussion with my family - well, family and ex-family?" Anyway, my 2nd ex-husband and I have remained very close friends and his girls are still daughters to me. So, we still get together, hang out and share holidays - neither of us has a 'significant other' as yet. And we all discussed The Attic and how it should end and there were definitely strong varying ideas about the subject. We also talked about how other parts of the book could proceed. That was interesting and got a bit silly and off-track at times, but that was fun too.

I leave you for now with this:

"When you come to the edge of all that you know,
you must believe in one of two things:
there will be earth upon which to stand,
or you will be given wings."

(author unknown)

Hopefully, some of you are challenging yourselves to get out there and do your artistic thing. Just do it...for the fun of it. Don't let it become work...just allow it to come through you...to take it's natural course from a place of joy. You'll be surprised at how it transpires and transforms. So, come on...move it, shake it up...get to exploring and playing with YOUR gift. XO

Yes, I finally wrote some more today. So far, I spent time making a decision about where to go next with Vic, one of the characters in The Attic. I sifted the various ideas I had about what to do through my filters and also bounced ideas off of my daughter and we both came to the same conclusion about the best way for me to proceed. Then I wrote for a while...not as much as I would have liked, but...I'll take it.

I've been trying to remind myself that I don't have to write every single day...that the book will still be here waiting...faithfully holding my words within.

Hopefully, one these ol' days I'll be able to get a laptop. We need two computers around here. My daughter's homework is so...ubiquitous...if you catch my drift. Not only does she have homework to do, she also likes to have time on it to do fun things. Lately, it's pretty much been homework, though.

I'll be back!!!! XO

Got home late. Had a meltdown. Going to sleep. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ! XO

Goooood Eveeening! (Alfred-Hitchcock style :) So, I am not going to be writing anything today...again! But, my daughter needs me and so that's the way life is around here tonight. She's been working really hard on several projects plus all of her other homework. So, we need just a little time off. I continue to think about the book and have gotten some additional ideas on a short story I'm conceiving. But nothing today toward The Attic. And, it is going to be REALLY tough to unglue my daughter and her homework assignments from the computer. It's okay, though, I have faith that it will all work out. XO

Home from work
almost fell asleep
dragged my bones
to the keyboard
to let you know
I simply could not
write even a
paragraph tonight
of my protagonist's
plight:



Not Tonight

9-5 cuts a hole
in my creativity.
a black hole
where my energy
vanishes,
sucked into
the void,
irretrievable
How can I write
when I can hardly
think?
synapses slowing,
fingers too.
bone tired
done before
I begin
one day won't
hurt
the pages won't
dissolve
I'll be back
I promise.
this project
this book
this labor of love
never
rejected,
not left
unfinished
Spirit gave me
this gift
I shall honor.
a challenge accepted,
signed in ink
written with
lifeblood
my soul the lock,
my heart the
key.

(Linda J. Wolf/1/5/09)

So, here's one of my writing challenges now that vacation is over. Obviously, I won't have as much time to write and...it will be tough to log in any computer time because my over achieving daughter :) who is taking 5 million AP courses in school needs it a lot for her homework and projects. So, I have asked her to do her computer needy homework when she first gets home so I can use it later. Problem is...sometimes pretty much everything requires the computer.

Tonight I didn't use the computer to work on my book. I worked in a notebook because I have to figure out some particulars. Actually, I am trying to figure out how to get my book to end. I tend to be just a tad verbose (okay, a BIG tad) and it's getting to the point where I need to close it down. I'm still on my first draft, which is more detailed than a typical first draft, but will need mucho editing when I am able to finally able to...stop...talking (writing) :)

I would love to talk a bit about the idea of my book, but just in case someone I don't know follows my blog...well, let's just say I want to keep the idea a secret until it's published.

Okay, see you later gater XO

It is sloooow going today. I have written about 2 book pages. And I just want to say, that it is so easy for the subconscious to lead me away from the important work at hand, e.g. writing. I mean, I can sit down to write (or before I even get there) and my mind will dictate to me all the other things I should be doing. And when, say, cleaning the toilets has more pull in my mind than writing the book, I've got a problem. So, one of my challenges is just sitting down and doing it.

True, it was a lot easier when I wasn't working and when the book was new and fresh and there was so much to write. Now, I'm at the point in this draft where I have to stop and figure things out, analyze the situation, the timing, etc., etc. and blah...blah...blah! I'm in a tougher place in my writing than I was previously. So, I continually re-direct myself to the computer keyboard and stop myself from listening to every little wayward thought that says "vacuum the carpet." :)

Actually, this recent writing journey began a week ago today. Since then I have written 14 book pages for "The Attic," one poem (the one I posted yesterday) and added some ideas to another book I'm writing, which is on the back burner. I have written something every day, except Wednesday. And also created and posted on this new writing blog. So, though I haven't been prolific, by any means, I have been writing every day and creating a writing routine/practice which is what I hoped to do. Yay, I'm on the way. XO

"There came a time when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." (Anais Nin)

This is one of my favorite quotes. Don't you feel it? It is so very uncomfortable to hold yourself in...to deny who you are...to deny your talent. If you don't take risks, nothing changes. For writers and other artists it is often a huge risk to put our work out there for people to see and...judge. But, as someone once said, what other people think of you (and your work) is none of your business. Don't be a hose and let people stop the flow of your work because they put their own personal kink in you. Remember that kid's phrase "I'm rubber, you're glue, everything you say bounces of me and sticks to you?" Adopt the child's attitude. I, for one, have never given up on my inner child. I'm still like a little kid in some ways. If you give up that childlike quality, you give up your sense of wonder and awe and, you know, it's hard to be an artist without that.

Wanted to let you know, especially those of you who are not blog saavy...like me...that you can be a follower on this site by clicking the "Follow" button (to the right of the blog posts and under "About me." Various icons will appear and if you have an account with any of them, click on that button and follow the prompts. If you don't have an account, then you can create one by clicking "create a new google account" (this is below the icons) and then follow the prompts. To add yourself as a follower, I believe you have to create your own blog if you don't have one. Then you would be alerted of any updates on my blog. You don't have to do anything with it, but I'm pretty sure you have to start one.

Also, there is a "comments" box beneath each post if you want to make a comment on any particular blog post.

Okay, I'm going to go write now...blog to you later. XO

Okay, this first post is a bit of a novel...sorry! I wanted to give you some background and tell you why I created this blog.

A "Little" Background: I am a writer. I have been writing at least since I was in junior high, maybe before that. I started out writing poetry and then some short stories. When I was in high school an english teacher liked one of my poems and wanted me to publish it in our school rag. Well, wouldn't you know it wasn't ever published because the teacher made some kind of error on the deadline and I...yeah, you know...missed it.

I tried publishing a story in Redbook's young author contest one year. I was right at the age deadline, 28. I sent it in, but was rejected. The only thing that made me feel good was the fact that even though I received one of those typed rejection letters they send to everyone, someone had written "Sorry" on it in blue ink, so I took that to mean that at least someone liked it. And if that's simply a fantasy of mine, well, I'll take it! :)

The only time I've ever "really" been published was by one of those we'll-publish-any-poem-regardless-of-quality companies that then turn around and charge you lots of money to buy copies of the book. I never did order a copy of the book and never published that way again. I was naive. Since then I have never attempted to publish anything. I was interested in writing children's books and did a bit of a mock up in a class in college. The teacher told me I should tweak it a bit and then publish it. I didn't. Since then I have only attempted to publish one other piece of my work, but I let if fade out of my life.

I remember when I was much younger I wondered how ANYone could write a novel. It would take way too much time and effort. And now, of course, I'm writing a novel. Go figure! I pretty much stopped writing poetry many years ago, but the idea of writing a book came at two different times and in two different genres. I am involved in natural and holistic types of healing and spirituality and was interested in writing a nonfiction book in this genre. I tried that in fits and starts, but it never amounted to anything. Then, I had a child and began to read to her and she became first an avid listener and then an avid reader. I read aloud to her from the time she was very little until she was about 13 even though by then, well way before then, she could read to herself. I think she humored me by letting me continue to read aloud because I enjoyed it so much.

Finally, we had to cut the cord, but before we did, I had a bit of a revelation when I was reading "Silverwing" to her, or one its companion novels, by Kenneth Oppel. The revelation was that I should be writing books for teens/young adults. So, I began to write a young adult book in the fantasy genre. I worked on it a lot, but it never quite made it to fruition. Then one day during one of my daily walks, during which I do a form of meditation, I asked the 'powers that be' to please give me the writing project I could complete. Within one week, I woke in the middle of the night, in a dream or vision, with a book title and idea. I was blown away and wrote down the information on a piece of paper. The next morning I began to write and I wrote and wrote, stopped, did some research, then wrote and wrote some more, day after day after day. I was flying across that keyboard and having a blast doing it. At the time I wasn't working a full time job. I had a small part-time business on the side.

Unfortunately, reality struck a blow of its own. My husband and I were faced with a financial crisis and I had to get a "real" job. Soon, after that I was separated from him and eventually divorced. My daughter and I were on our own and I was a single mom with a single income. Working full time and being a Mom became the main jobs in my life and writing took a back seat. I just didn't seem to have the time or energy for it. Every once in a while I would huff and puff and...no, no houses were blown down...eventually get up the steam to start writing, only to let it lapse again. The hard part was that when I would let it go like that for any length of time and then decided to start writing again, I would have to re-read all or a good part of my book to become reaquainted with it before starting...argh!! So, this has happened a few times since I moved with Kayla into our own place.

Over the years, finances and income have been a REAL challenge for me. Actually, I have a master's degree in speech and language therapy, but was drawn away from it in the late '80s. Since then I have had a sprinkling of other jobs and owned my own businesses as well, but none of these has brought in enough income. So, I, and several of my girlfriends, have tried to come up with business ideas that would be fruitful for us. That leads me to how I came to create this blog...sure am taking a circuitous route, ey? Anyway, recently I had a great new business idea, so I called my girlfriend and we talked about that idea, plus many others and came to the conclusion that we DON'T want to do these things for a living. We want to do what we love. Now, this isn't the first time that I or we have come to this conclusion, but this was at a level of breakthrough, an epiphany of sorts. Can an epiphany be "of sorts?" Probably not. Anyway, it was.

I am through trying to make money on some scheme or product or idea that I don't give a crap about or that means nothing to me. I work a 9-5 regular job already. I have a daughter to care for and support and frankly, I am often exhausted...a weary weed in a garden of green :) Not that this matters except that with the energy I have available, I am no longer willing to spend it doing, selling, creating, servicing something that doesn't service me...something that doesn't make my heart sing, that isn't creative, that I'm not passionate about. I have a gift for writing and THAT is what I want to do. I already have a novel I'm working on and I would like to finish it and I would like to publish it. It is a coming of age novel for teens/young adults with a slight supernatural flair and is dramatic, touching and humorous. It is called The Attic. For those of you who don't know, Linda J. Wolf is my pen name. I've used it for my businesses and writing for about 15-20 years.

So, here's what happened. The girlfriend with whom (does anyone really use this anymore?) I was speaking (above) is an artist of the painting/drawing type. What we decided to do was to make this week (it started last Sunday) an "I Am An Artist" week. For the whole week (only a week because we didn't want to start with "let's be an artist forever" or it would seem to overwhelming) we would live as the artists we are. So, this week "I am a writer." Everything I do (or don't do) supports my writing and I try to write every day. It doesn't matter how much I write, as long as I do it. This creates a routine for me to keep going, and my girlfriend as well with her art. We decided keep in touch via e-mail or telephone to support and encourage each other. We share what we are doing as well as send along any quotes or other information that would keep us "in the energy" of being the artist.

Since this began, I have written every day except one. Some days I have written very little, some days more. I came home after work and did some writing and I have had the past four days off so have had more time to devote to my craft. What I found while doing this, living my life as a writer, is that I did more than write my book The Attic. I also made some additions to another book I'm writing and I wrote a poem called "I Am An Artist" which I will share below. I read it every morning as a reminder.

Okay, now, here's the challenge I have given myself, well, you saw it above. I am expanding my "I Am A Writer" week to a year and in that year I plan to finish my novel and have it ready for publishing. I will post to this blog until I finish it. The idea about blogging about this journey of mine, came from my step daughter Jillian. When I told her about my one week "I am a writer" quest, she suggested that I blog about it. The next day I decided to do just that. My challenge to you is to do the same thing with your art, your creativity. Whether you are a writer, a painter, a dancer or a musician decide now to become the artist you are, to live as the artist you are and to finally come out of the creative closet with some actual work completed. And, numero uno...HAVE FUN...do it from joy. I have found that I tend to make my art into work because I try too hard or because I'm fearful. Face it, if you're an artist, you're fearful. Low self esteem seems to plague us all. Now, I'm sure there are some exceptions to this rule, but not too many. We each have a gift to offer...to ourselves, to each other, to the world. It's about time to share it.


By the way, living as the artist you are, doesn't mean you can't be doing other things. I am working a full time job. I am seeing myself as a Temp at that job. I am doing that job to support my writing. I am not a chiropractic assistant doing my writing on the side. I am a writer being a chiropractic assistant on the side. I am a writer and though that is not WHO I am, that is my perfect work, that is my creative gift and that is what I want to do for my living. So, everything I do is in support of my writing. You can do the same. Start out by trying it for a week. It's awesome! Other mundane things you're doing to bring in income won't seem so bad if you are doing what you love. Below is my Poem: "I Am An Artist."

I Am An Artist

I am an artist
here to create from the joy of me,
for the joy of me,
from the whims and
the depths inside.

I am not the receptionist,
endless stress and Herculean
effort employed to make it through
a single day.

I am an artist
true to my Self
true to my calling
true to my gift.

I am not the pleaser
making sure everyone
gets what they need,
except me.

I am an artist
creativity an ocean within,
flowing from the life of me
through my pen.

I am not the societal status quo
trying to live up to
impossible and unwanted
goals.

I am an artist,
channeling love through
pictures and feelings
brought to life through
my heartwords.

I am not the maid, the
shopper, the bread winner,
the psychologist, the driver,
the peacemaker, the gopher.

I am an artist
I create, I soothe, I
stir up, I enlighten,
I make room, I bring
questions, I inspire

I am an artist,
creating my life,
allowing my life
through the deep
surrender of being
mySelf

I am an artist.

by Linda J. Wolf
12/27/09