Okay, this first post is a bit of a novel...sorry! I wanted to give you some background and tell you why I created this blog.

A "Little" Background: I am a writer. I have been writing at least since I was in junior high, maybe before that. I started out writing poetry and then some short stories. When I was in high school an english teacher liked one of my poems and wanted me to publish it in our school rag. Well, wouldn't you know it wasn't ever published because the teacher made some kind of error on the deadline and I...yeah, you know...missed it.

I tried publishing a story in Redbook's young author contest one year. I was right at the age deadline, 28. I sent it in, but was rejected. The only thing that made me feel good was the fact that even though I received one of those typed rejection letters they send to everyone, someone had written "Sorry" on it in blue ink, so I took that to mean that at least someone liked it. And if that's simply a fantasy of mine, well, I'll take it! :)

The only time I've ever "really" been published was by one of those we'll-publish-any-poem-regardless-of-quality companies that then turn around and charge you lots of money to buy copies of the book. I never did order a copy of the book and never published that way again. I was naive. Since then I have never attempted to publish anything. I was interested in writing children's books and did a bit of a mock up in a class in college. The teacher told me I should tweak it a bit and then publish it. I didn't. Since then I have only attempted to publish one other piece of my work, but I let if fade out of my life.

I remember when I was much younger I wondered how ANYone could write a novel. It would take way too much time and effort. And now, of course, I'm writing a novel. Go figure! I pretty much stopped writing poetry many years ago, but the idea of writing a book came at two different times and in two different genres. I am involved in natural and holistic types of healing and spirituality and was interested in writing a nonfiction book in this genre. I tried that in fits and starts, but it never amounted to anything. Then, I had a child and began to read to her and she became first an avid listener and then an avid reader. I read aloud to her from the time she was very little until she was about 13 even though by then, well way before then, she could read to herself. I think she humored me by letting me continue to read aloud because I enjoyed it so much.

Finally, we had to cut the cord, but before we did, I had a bit of a revelation when I was reading "Silverwing" to her, or one its companion novels, by Kenneth Oppel. The revelation was that I should be writing books for teens/young adults. So, I began to write a young adult book in the fantasy genre. I worked on it a lot, but it never quite made it to fruition. Then one day during one of my daily walks, during which I do a form of meditation, I asked the 'powers that be' to please give me the writing project I could complete. Within one week, I woke in the middle of the night, in a dream or vision, with a book title and idea. I was blown away and wrote down the information on a piece of paper. The next morning I began to write and I wrote and wrote, stopped, did some research, then wrote and wrote some more, day after day after day. I was flying across that keyboard and having a blast doing it. At the time I wasn't working a full time job. I had a small part-time business on the side.

Unfortunately, reality struck a blow of its own. My husband and I were faced with a financial crisis and I had to get a "real" job. Soon, after that I was separated from him and eventually divorced. My daughter and I were on our own and I was a single mom with a single income. Working full time and being a Mom became the main jobs in my life and writing took a back seat. I just didn't seem to have the time or energy for it. Every once in a while I would huff and puff and...no, no houses were blown down...eventually get up the steam to start writing, only to let it lapse again. The hard part was that when I would let it go like that for any length of time and then decided to start writing again, I would have to re-read all or a good part of my book to become reaquainted with it before starting...argh!! So, this has happened a few times since I moved with Kayla into our own place.

Over the years, finances and income have been a REAL challenge for me. Actually, I have a master's degree in speech and language therapy, but was drawn away from it in the late '80s. Since then I have had a sprinkling of other jobs and owned my own businesses as well, but none of these has brought in enough income. So, I, and several of my girlfriends, have tried to come up with business ideas that would be fruitful for us. That leads me to how I came to create this blog...sure am taking a circuitous route, ey? Anyway, recently I had a great new business idea, so I called my girlfriend and we talked about that idea, plus many others and came to the conclusion that we DON'T want to do these things for a living. We want to do what we love. Now, this isn't the first time that I or we have come to this conclusion, but this was at a level of breakthrough, an epiphany of sorts. Can an epiphany be "of sorts?" Probably not. Anyway, it was.

I am through trying to make money on some scheme or product or idea that I don't give a crap about or that means nothing to me. I work a 9-5 regular job already. I have a daughter to care for and support and frankly, I am often exhausted...a weary weed in a garden of green :) Not that this matters except that with the energy I have available, I am no longer willing to spend it doing, selling, creating, servicing something that doesn't service me...something that doesn't make my heart sing, that isn't creative, that I'm not passionate about. I have a gift for writing and THAT is what I want to do. I already have a novel I'm working on and I would like to finish it and I would like to publish it. It is a coming of age novel for teens/young adults with a slight supernatural flair and is dramatic, touching and humorous. It is called The Attic. For those of you who don't know, Linda J. Wolf is my pen name. I've used it for my businesses and writing for about 15-20 years.

So, here's what happened. The girlfriend with whom (does anyone really use this anymore?) I was speaking (above) is an artist of the painting/drawing type. What we decided to do was to make this week (it started last Sunday) an "I Am An Artist" week. For the whole week (only a week because we didn't want to start with "let's be an artist forever" or it would seem to overwhelming) we would live as the artists we are. So, this week "I am a writer." Everything I do (or don't do) supports my writing and I try to write every day. It doesn't matter how much I write, as long as I do it. This creates a routine for me to keep going, and my girlfriend as well with her art. We decided keep in touch via e-mail or telephone to support and encourage each other. We share what we are doing as well as send along any quotes or other information that would keep us "in the energy" of being the artist.

Since this began, I have written every day except one. Some days I have written very little, some days more. I came home after work and did some writing and I have had the past four days off so have had more time to devote to my craft. What I found while doing this, living my life as a writer, is that I did more than write my book The Attic. I also made some additions to another book I'm writing and I wrote a poem called "I Am An Artist" which I will share below. I read it every morning as a reminder.

Okay, now, here's the challenge I have given myself, well, you saw it above. I am expanding my "I Am A Writer" week to a year and in that year I plan to finish my novel and have it ready for publishing. I will post to this blog until I finish it. The idea about blogging about this journey of mine, came from my step daughter Jillian. When I told her about my one week "I am a writer" quest, she suggested that I blog about it. The next day I decided to do just that. My challenge to you is to do the same thing with your art, your creativity. Whether you are a writer, a painter, a dancer or a musician decide now to become the artist you are, to live as the artist you are and to finally come out of the creative closet with some actual work completed. And, numero uno...HAVE FUN...do it from joy. I have found that I tend to make my art into work because I try too hard or because I'm fearful. Face it, if you're an artist, you're fearful. Low self esteem seems to plague us all. Now, I'm sure there are some exceptions to this rule, but not too many. We each have a gift to offer...to ourselves, to each other, to the world. It's about time to share it.


By the way, living as the artist you are, doesn't mean you can't be doing other things. I am working a full time job. I am seeing myself as a Temp at that job. I am doing that job to support my writing. I am not a chiropractic assistant doing my writing on the side. I am a writer being a chiropractic assistant on the side. I am a writer and though that is not WHO I am, that is my perfect work, that is my creative gift and that is what I want to do for my living. So, everything I do is in support of my writing. You can do the same. Start out by trying it for a week. It's awesome! Other mundane things you're doing to bring in income won't seem so bad if you are doing what you love. Below is my Poem: "I Am An Artist."

I Am An Artist

I am an artist
here to create from the joy of me,
for the joy of me,
from the whims and
the depths inside.

I am not the receptionist,
endless stress and Herculean
effort employed to make it through
a single day.

I am an artist
true to my Self
true to my calling
true to my gift.

I am not the pleaser
making sure everyone
gets what they need,
except me.

I am an artist
creativity an ocean within,
flowing from the life of me
through my pen.

I am not the societal status quo
trying to live up to
impossible and unwanted
goals.

I am an artist,
channeling love through
pictures and feelings
brought to life through
my heartwords.

I am not the maid, the
shopper, the bread winner,
the psychologist, the driver,
the peacemaker, the gopher.

I am an artist
I create, I soothe, I
stir up, I enlighten,
I make room, I bring
questions, I inspire

I am an artist,
creating my life,
allowing my life
through the deep
surrender of being
mySelf

I am an artist.

by Linda J. Wolf
12/27/09